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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
My cardio is shopping.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
Serving size ?? LMAO
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?