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What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
Does this status update make me look fat?
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.