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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.