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I just called. To say. I texted you.
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
My problem is that all food is comfort food
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject