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Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.