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For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.