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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside