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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.