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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.