Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?