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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.