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My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.