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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.