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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.