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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.