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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
My body needs a refresh button.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like