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The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!