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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
Good for you, people that do things.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?