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Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.