Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.