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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work