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This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know