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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.