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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.