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Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.