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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.