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Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
I had your cake and ate it too.