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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???