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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.