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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
TEIAM - problem solved
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
thinking men should come with a carfax....
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.