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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.