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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.