Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?