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That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Iām pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.