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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.