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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".