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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.