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All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.