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Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
The problem with diets is pizza.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC