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Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.