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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.