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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.