Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.