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Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.