Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!