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I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.