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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.