Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.