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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.