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LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol