Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.