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Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.