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Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
This is a lousy dating site.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.