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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.