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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.