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How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Safe words are for quitters.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.