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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.