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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
New day, same old bullsh!t
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.